Lessons Learned from Handshakes

Early Lessons in Showing Up

Handshakes have always been an interesting part of American culture. Growing up, I was taught that a firm handshake and steady eye contact were important signs of respect. It was never about the handshake alone. It was about showing someone that you were present, aware, and ready to interact with intention. Years later, when I worked at an independent school for 16 years, this idea came full circle. Greeting others with purpose was built into the school’s mission and values, and students were actively taught how to introduce themselves with confidence. It was a small gesture with a large impact.

A Brief History of the Handshake

The handshake has been around far longer than most people realize. Historians believe it dates back to ancient Greece, where extending an open hand showed that a person carried no weapon. In the Middle Ages, knights were known to shake hands to loosen any hidden blades and to establish peace. Over time the handshake evolved from a safety measure into a universal sign of trust, goodwill, and mutual recognition. In the United States and many other cultures, it became the standard way to begin a meeting, finalize an agreement, or greet someone with respect. Its history is rooted in a simple idea: two people choosing to approach each other openly. This idea carries naturally into education.

The Fun of Connection

In college I joined a fraternity that had a secret handshake. We treated it playfully, and we liked joking about it, but the truth is that we all knew it meant something. It represented belonging. Even today, we talk about it with nostalgia. The gesture itself was simple, yet it created a feeling that we were part of something bigger. It was a reminder that connection often begins with something small.

Watching the Rituals of Athletes

If you turn on a sports broadcast today, you will probably see athletes doing their own handshakes before a game. These routines are not really secret, since millions of people can watch them on television. But they carry meaning. They show trust, shared experience, and a bond that has grown through time together. Whether it is Jason Tatum greeting a teammate, Stephen Curry running through an elaborate courtside routine, or Patrick Mahomes tapping in with Travis Kelce before a drive, these gestures serve the same purpose. They ground the athletes. They calm the nerves. They say we understand each other, and we are ready.

The Handshake as a Teaching Tool

A firm handshake and steady eye contact can be powerful in a tutoring environment. They communicate presence and respect. The goal is not the handshake itself but the mindset behind it. When a tutor shows up with clarity and calm confidence, the student immediately feels more at ease. Eye contact tells the student that the tutor is fully focused and ready to listen, and this creates trust. Trust is the foundation of effective one-on-one learning.

I have learned that this same effect is possible even when a session takes place remotely. The first five seconds of any online tutoring meeting matter. Greeting the student with warmth and energy shows that you are glad to see them and confident that the session will go well. You cannot extend your hand through a screen, but you can do other small gestures that communicate the same spirit. You can make eye contact with the camera, you can smile, you can show enthusiasm in your voice, and you can take a moment to ask how they are doing. You can remember the details of their life that matter to them. While it is not an official handshake, it functions as a virtual one, and it works.

What This Means for Tutors

For tutors, offering a figurative handshake means starting each session prepared, attentive, and warm. It means being aware of the student’s energy, adjusting to their pace, and creating an environment where they feel safe taking academic risks. It is not about perfection. It is about presence. A student can tell right away when a tutor is truly with them, rather than simply going through the motions. That awareness is what brings a session to life.

What This Means for Students

For students, practicing small gestures of connection builds confidence and agency. Greeting a tutor, making eye contact, and engaging in conversation helps them take ownership of the learning process. It shifts the dynamic. Tutoring becomes something they are actively participating in rather than something being done to them. Even young students benefit from this sense of participation and partnership.

The Human Element in a High-Tech World

Families sometimes wonder how technology will change the tutoring world. New tools appear every year, and artificial intelligence is becoming more advanced. These tools can support learning in powerful ways, but they cannot replace the relationship between a student and a tutor. A tutor notices subtle things that no system can catch. A moment of hesitation. The relief in a student’s face after solving a tough problem. The small joke that breaks the tension. These details live in the human space between two people.

Lessons from the Court, the Field, the Rink, etc.

Across professional sports, personal handshakes strengthen team chemistry. They are short, simple, often funny, and always meaningful. They tell the story of connection built over time. In tutoring, connection works the same way. Families tell me that what truly changed things for their child was not only the content. It was the presence of a tutor who noticed, encouraged, and understood them. Progress is built one small moment at a time.

What Never Changes

Artificial intelligence will help tutoring companies streamline processes. Scheduling will be easier. Communication will be smoother. Access to materials will improve. But the heart of tutoring will always be the human partnership. Nothing replaces the moment when a tutor and student find their rhythm. Nothing replaces feeling understood.

Just as athletes will always create their own handshakes to connect with teammates, students will always benefit from a real human guide at their side. Technology will evolve, but the bond between two people working together remains at the center of learning.

That is something that will never go out of style.